Rossmylife

Some say I have a difficult life. And ask how I keep going. Truthful I don’t know. Is it a test by God or not, a person can only be give some much to deal with. So my believing God is watching over my life, I am unsure. At first I didn’t real think about it. My grandfather had stop breathing., being a firefighter,medic my first instinct is to start cpr. Now this is my mom’s father and she is present ( by the way she is a RN). I started cpr and got him back, looking at mother i ask her if it happens again what do want to do. Making it clear if I start cpr again the fire department is being called. Well we made it to the hospital. After a short time the Dr came out and asked if he codes again do you want us to revive him. Looking at my mother, older brother and grandmother, they said they could call it and ask me to decide. First big hit in life.

Second hit in life mom ends up with cancer and wins sometime. Then she starts to slowing lose her will, mine you I was in college at the time, sat with her everyday. Losing a semester of college. Same situation Doctor comes out and ask same question,looking at both my dad and brother they say you make the call again. Boom second hit. Now God is this another testing again?

Third hit wad notified in middle of night by county sheriff to come up office. When i get there was met by county sheriff, my fire chief and Township supervisor. They stated the my childern have died. Mind you son was eighteen starting college in the fall. Daughter was fifteen. Know that there was a tornado that went thru where they lived (note I was divorced at the time) that they had died that way. NO! Was then told that, their stepfather killed ex-wife and the kids. The so called great guy stated by the local people was not in my eyes. My son death was understandable her heard it and fought with the guy. Getting shot in the process. Now this guy is not done he goes looking for my daughter who is hiding in brother’s closest, while talking to 911 she is shot, all of this on tape. Well my nephew comes to get me and drives me up to the sheriff office in Sanliac County. Get to sheriff office thinking they are looking for this person, but no.They found him in cemetery and killed himself. They knew this before I even left home. ( side note he was arrest the night before for harassment at house and posted bond, not what I wanted to hear.) Him knowing if he ends up in jail or prison my circle of associates thru work would make his life unbearable. To boot he had a daughter same age as my son. Now I never thought that your kids would be taken away before yourself. God what are you setting me up for. By the way there was no support groups that had childern that were murdered at the time only groups were for suicide.

Oh there is more. Fourth hit. Second wife gets very ill from circulation probrems. Everything is turning good. Then doctor over prescribed blood thinner and did not follow up with blood work. Two days later went to get her up, is incoherent and paralyzed from neck down. Finding out that blood vessel in neck area bled out putting pressure on her spine causing facture to area. C3 to c5. Surgery was performed. In ICU a month then taken to a stepdown care location. After time she gain movement in her hands and arm. Thought all was well but she knew it was not. Seen her trying to clear paperwork up really fast. During this time I was luck that I could retire and take care of 24/7. With very little help from some of her kids or family. After a short time she passed away in the middle of the night.. After it was all said down her family was friendly at first then they drop all contact with me. Even two of her children that I help raise drop communication. Because I called their father out on things he was responsible for and never did live up to agreement with ex, leaving me with the mess. So here I am again,God no more testing me, but no !

Fifth hit, in for check up think my glands were swelling in my neck because of recent flu and cold. Nope after over 70 years of not needing any medication pow hit again. Have Atrial fib, into hospital put on blood thinners and heart meds. Well the doctor what was to test the mass in my throat thought since he is in hospital why not do biopsy on mass. Next day, without stop blood thinner before procedure they nick something in my throat and can not stop bleeding. Perform trach is now done. End up in hospital bed for two months with no therapy, losing over a hundred pounds and having to go rehab place to learn how to walk again and gain strength back. Biopsy report mass is cancer, now into chemotherapy i go. Well thoughts things were good mass went down to almost nothing on only one session of three. But, chemo drugs cause kidneys to stop working. Losing more weight and can not eat, so feeding tube goes in. Problems acure with doing feed tube five times a day. Stomach could not handle it. Back in hospital with weak and kidneys going crazy. Lose two months of chemo because not strong enough to hand it. Finally a break was getting stronger. Start eating regular food walking better. With help being about to drive again. Now, that is my faith done being test God. My faith has been destroyed. But I am still here, only because of my love for my children that keeps me going. Yes I do have bad days about losing them. Not the end yet.

Hit number six, meeting someone after wife death has been years, was not looking. Surprise happen but unsure if this person is true or not. Hard to tell, most of other women I know are friends only. Like family. I don’t need another hit in my life. So now I wake up at 3 am with my mind going a thousand miles an hour. So my blogging has begun again.

Don’t worry more blogs will be about thing in live and how people react. Expect the unexpected. Thank you for reading. I know it was alot now. But. Now you know we’re I started this journey of life, I did start a bucket list that I have finished and adding more, it will never end, just keep adding.

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